So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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