At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
two words: eviction party
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize