I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
