I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
