OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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