he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
