After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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