your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
