Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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