You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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