Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
