so explain again why im purple
no
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
