So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
