Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
