Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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