Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
