Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
