these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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