My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
