my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
