So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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