I just cut my nipple shaving
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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