he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
