dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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