you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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