So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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