I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
