im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
