I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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