Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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