How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
