Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
