She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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