i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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