Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
