You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ugly people sure do ruin things
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
