how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
