well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this beer tastes like vomit already
Four minutes until I can fart!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
