i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize