I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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