this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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