woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
