i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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