I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
