I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
