God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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