There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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