I feel like abortions should bother me more
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
