I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize