she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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