Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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