i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
