listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
