Define "chronic" masturbator.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
