i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
