But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
