the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
