The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
