They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
