Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
