whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
