Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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