Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Will you blow on my dice?
"it" just moved
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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