hotel room ftw
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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