Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
