Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
