in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
