Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize